你能帮什么忙??

尽管努力解决上面列出的问题是正常的，也是意料之中的，但它可以做到 be painful to watch your son or daughter struggle. Here are some suggestions to consider as you respond to these situations:

Offer support while encouraging responsibility.

作为父母，很难知道什么时候该帮忙，什么时候该退一步，以及/或如何退一步 担心. Usually a parent's best guideline is to provide a steady, supportive 在认识到家庭基础的同时，学生的需求也会有起伏 预期. Try to follow the leads of the students and encourage them to work through a problem with you acting as the coach or cheerleader. 帮助他们平衡他们的想法 and emotions to make their best decisions. Let them know that you respect their right to make a decision and that you will serve as an advisor when asked. 提醒自己 to notice and appreciate the new skills they develop; students often want their families to recognize their progress toward becoming adults.

It can be tempting to respond to your son's or daughter's confusion and distress by stepping in and taking charge of the situation, directing it to the resolution 你感觉最好. While this may seem like the quickest way to alleviate your student's 不舒服，它阻止了他们有机会实现和扩大他们的 own ability to confront difficult situations and bring about workable solutions. It 让你的孩子继续感受到你的支持和“安全网”是很重要的 在他们过渡到成年的同时，也采取了适当的和递增的方式 level of responsibility for working things through for themselves. 他们的解决方案 将是他们自己的，而到达这一点的过程可能与 结果本身.

Most parents have a high investment in their student's decisions. 出现问题时, however, when parents are more invested than students. It can be hard to lessen involvement in a student's decisions out of fear that the student won't assume responsibility. 具有讽刺意味的是，学生们通常不会承担起责任，直到 父母退居二线. After all, it's easier to ignore problems when someone else is 为他们担心!

 

是现实的.

College can be bumpy in the same way that life is bumpy. 毫无疑问会有 times when your son or daughter will stumble, whether academically or socially. 他们 可能没有在考试中得到他们希望的分数，或者他们与他们的关系 roommate might not be as easy or as close as they had hoped. 保持这种联系 在家里有男朋友或女朋友可能会比他们更困难 预期. Whatever the scenario, it can be helpful to convey to your student that, 实际上，在他们的过渡期间会有失望和挣扎 去上大学，在这里的时候，但他们可以在那里度过难关 如果需要的话，有资源可以提供帮助吗.

提醒自己你的儿子或女儿将会遇到什么也会很有帮助 挑战——事情并不总是如你或他们所希望的那样发展 一个问题可能需要一些时间，但同样，这些情况通常是可以克服的， 而且随时都能得到帮助. Also, be realistic and specific with your child about 财务问题，包括你会和不会支付，以及你的期望 for how your son or daughter will spend money. It is also important to be realistic 孩子的学习成绩，认识到不是每个优等生 in high school will be a straight-A student in college. 帮助你的孩子准备 their academic goals; encourage them to do their best and to seek assistance if needed.

 

平衡接触与空间.

有了手机、即时通讯和电子邮件，家人更容易相处 close contact with each other than ever before. Such contact can provide emotional 在过渡时期和危机时期提供帮助和支持，但它也很重要 认识到你的女儿或儿子需要在火博体育建立他或她自己 and find ways to feel fully at home and comfortable here on campus. 发展的一部分 未来四年，学生们面临的挑战将是驾驭多种地理环境 moves—from home to campus to study abroad to internships and back again. 这些举措 provide practice for the bigger challenge ahead: graduation and finding their way 在“现实世界”中." Balancing staying in touch with your son or daughter with allowing 他们做出自己的选择和错误的空间是帮助的重要组成部分 你的孩子在大学取得了成功.

尝试定期交流，但如果你的学生不总是这样，也不要担心 响应. Let your student set the agenda for some of your conversations and ask 广义的问题. All in all, the less you ask, the more they are likely to tell. 不幸的是，学生们往往只有在陷入困境时才有交流的冲动， 所以你可能听到了所有的失望，却没有听到成功 在他们的生活中. Try not to worry too much about the occasional emotional phone call 或者给家里发邮件. Be patient with that "nothing-is-going-right-I-hate-this-place" communication. 你提供的是真正的服务，作为顾问、顾问和同情的倾听者.

 

显示资源.

校园里有很多人和办公室可以帮助你的儿子 or daughter navigate their time here. Faculty advisors, 住宅生活 staff members, 学生学术支持服务办公室，第一年体验主任， 校园安全、健康服务和咨询中心只是众多机构中的一小部分 resources that might be able to lend a hand. Take some time to look at the various 办公室的网页，并检讨学生手册，以熟悉什么是 可用，这样当你的孩子需要帮助时，你可以提供建议. 如果你有问题想直接问，或者出现了特定的问题， 打电话给合适的人，但一定要让你的孩子参与到合作中来 努力解决问题.

How Can I Tell If My Student Is in Serious Distress?

学生面临的许多问题都是相对暂时的，学生可以公平地恢复 很快. However, if the intensity or persistence of the problems makes it hard for your student to function effectively for longer than a few weeks (e.g.，学生 是不是表现得不像“正常的自己”，成绩下降，远离家庭 和朋友)，或者如果你的学生有自杀的想法或感觉，它 鼓励你的学生马上来咨询中心是明智的吗. 我们建议您允许您的儿子或女儿主动访问 我们的服务. Part of the therapeutic process involves him/her taking responsibility for his/her well-being by taking the initiative to schedule an appointment. 访问 您的学生可以到位于一楼的咨询中心 of Jonsson Tower, or call (518) 580-5555 to schedule an appointment.

Services Provided by the 火博体育大学 咨询中心

The 咨询中心 provides free, confidential services for Skidmore students, 包括短期个人和团体咨询、紧急心理服务、 以及拓展项目.

心理咨询中心也为家长提供心理咨询 他们的学生. Such consultations can focus on a range of issues, including how to 协助学生遇到困难的情况下，如何介绍学生到 Center, or how to locate appropriate mental health treatment for student. 为了保证 咨询，致电咨询中心(518)580 -5555，并要求与 咨询师.

Student Confidentiality and 父母

保密是我们建立的咨询关系的重要组成部分 学生和咨询中心的工作人员坚持有关的道德和法律标准 保密. These standards and laws prevent us from speaking with concerned parents about their student's contact with the Center unless we have the student's 书面许可. Thus, unless your student gives us 书面许可, we cannot acknowledge whether your student has been seen at the Center, is attending therapy 或药物咨询会议或任何火博体育你的学生的内容 可以和我们分享一下吗?. The only exceptions to this legally and ethically mandated 保密 发生在学生未满18岁或有严重担忧的时候 a student's imminent safety or the safety of others.

Please contact Andrew Demaree, Psy.D., Director of the 咨询中心, if you have any questions about our 保密 standards.